Does a broken heart heal?

I recently had someone ask me if broken hearts heal.

I have thought about this question long and hard over the past while. My response: I don’t think that I would say broken hearts ever fully heal. I think once broken the heart will always be broken. It may scar over but the sting will always be there. We give a piece of our heart to everyone we let inside. And once the heart is given it is given you can’t take it back. You may not agree but something to think about. We love someone with our whole heart or give a place in our heart to someone. Let’s say this person hurts, they break your heart. Now instead of saying you love them with your whole heart. You say you have a strong dislike or even hate for this person. This hate where does it originate? The answer: In the heart. Therefore even though you haven’t given them a piece of your heart in love you have now given them a piece of your heart in hate, pain, or sorrow. And the scar that is created from such an injury will always be there reminding us of the source that created it. This piece of your heart will always belong to the person it was first given. I do believe that we learn from our broken hearts we become more aware of who we give parts of our heart to. That broken hearts teach us how to truly love. We learn to more fully understand the meaning of love. That love isn’t always an overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness that continues on and on forever and ever. But it is a learning process one that results from pain and forgiveness, happiness and sorrow. You can not have love without the moments sorrow. The difference, someone who truly loves you in return will do whatever they can to fill in the cracks that they unfortunately create before the crack gets deeper and deeper eventually resulting in a broken heart. You will do the same in return. There will be patience learned for others as well as for yourself. There will be patience afforded you as well because let’s face it we aren’t perfect and eventually you will create the sting of the heart in someone else. Through this process of apology and forgiveness, fault and understanding, the bond between two will grow and become stronger creating love and respect for each other. But if a break happens and one party does not to repair the damage done. The damage will forever stay there in the heart. Nobody else can heal the break of another. All one can do with an unrepaired break is let it scar and try to allow themselves to open themselves up and let another in.

Each experience in our lives leaves an impression on our souls, hearts, and minds, some of these experiences result in pain and overwhelming sorrow. People have said that healing comes with time. Time heals all wounds. I however say Time goes on and through time we learn how to put things in perspective and use the pain for our own growth in life. The pain will never fully dissipate but that it can become a strength for us if we let it.

The heart is the center of our emotions; the breeding ground for our feelings. Whether you love or dislike someone it originates in the heart.

Just my thoughts.

Letter to a Heart Broken Friend:

Dear friend.
I know how you feel, the pain, the emptiness. I know what it’s like… to be disappointed. Walked out on and to have your heart broken, to have your world fine one day and in turmoil the next. To have what and who you love most wretched from your grasp, even more to have that person the one you love and trust more then anyone to be the cause of such devastation and pain. I know the hollow feeling it leaves; the anger, the fear. After such a disheartening blow it is hard to comprehend how one can get over such tribulation. Then it begins; the fight for ones self. You fight to believe in yourself and all that you are. You fight to understand why. Why things happened how they did. Why if it was to only result in pain and sorrow it happened at all. You fight to forget, yet to remember. You fight the feeling and sense of blame. You wonder if it was your fault and fight to believe that it wasn’t. You struggle to know that the cause of such heartache didn’t originate from you. You fight the hopelessness, the pain; the trust once easily given is kept deep inside for fear if you allow yourself to trust you will yet again only be wounded. You take a microscopic look at every aspect of your life. What you know, what you believe and wonder if you change if that will in someway ease your distress. You question yourself and your decisions. I know how it feels because you see my friend I have been waging such a war.
You ask if it gets easier; if it subsides. You want me to tell you yes that one day you just wake up and the world is a better place. I also wish I could give you these answers. Unfortunately this is not the case. Such a battle takes time. There will be tears shed. Wounds you thought healed will gash open at the slightest of ease. Trust is yet again in the learning process and caution is used at every turn. There will be moments that you think you can not possibly go on, that this fight is over and the overpowering feeling of defeat sets in. You feel alone. You want to confide in someone. To have them understand to have them comfort the pain but however you explain it no one seems to comprehend your state of being. They seem void of being able to say or do just the thing you want them to do… They don’t understand that you don’t want them to “fix” the problem or to even “make it better” that simply you need someone to listen and a shoulder to cry or lean on. That sometimes the best response is the silent response. The friend who says “I don’t know what to say, I’m not going to try to make things better right now because I know that I can’t do that for you, but I am here. I can listen. I can sit next to you in silence.” These friends know that this battle must be fought and won by you alone. They will not try to rush your victory. But they will be on the sideline to cheer you on and be a strength to draw from when you feel you have none left to forge ahead. I can tell you however that through time (and I do mean time) it will become easier to live with the sting left by the battle wounds. That life does move on and that the more you allow yourself to trust others, to let them in to that part of you that is now to you so sacred, so vulnerable, the more strength you will discover within yourself. The deeper you will understand what it means to love and be truly loved in return. This is a scary journey to embark on, people will try to enter unknowingly of the fences you have put up. You will get scared, nervous, question your ability to allow someone to care about you again. Even more so you will question your ability to care so deeply about someone else. You will have to decide if you are willing to take a chance on getting hurt again, (which you will at some point to some degree) to open yourself up to such a possibility. One thing to remember my friend; you can not have the joy without the sorrow. Some advice I have given myself that I am trying to adhere by… close your eyes and jump for you never know if you’ll fly. And if by chance you don’t… the one who catches you, or picks you up from your fall, may just be the reason you needed to jump in the first place. Don’t give up on a chance to live due to a fear from the past. Take that fear and make it your strength for a triumphant future full of happiness.

With Understanding,
Me

UPDATE

It has been way too long since I wrote anything so I thought I would take a quick moment to say hello and a quick update... I am now working at ARUP Laboratories in their client services department. I am living in Taylorsville now with a girl from my singles ward... It has been so much fun.. Last month we ventured down to vegas with a few of our other friends... SO MUCH FUN!!! I heart my friends! I am hoping to keep doing hair on the side. I am looking for a booth rent salon. there is so much that has happened I wouldn't even know where to start so we will just leave it at that... I am now the FHE co chair in my ward and am planning on going through the temple and taking out my endowments in the next couple of weeks. I am so happy where my life is right now. and No there is not a guy in my life. Anywho I hope you are loving to live and living to love. Next time i'll tell you about how I locked my keys in my car and everyone thought it was an april fools joke... haha... not funny.

Spiffy New Shoes

Okay first off I am such a horrible blogger... I forget I even have this thing.. haha. I promise I will try to do better. Anywho to the topic of discussion... My Spiffy New Shoes! I have purchased myself some way cute way fun silver shoes... but these shoes came at a great cost.... INVENTORY!!! a few weeks ago one of my employees came to me and asked if she could have the night of the 24th off and work late on the 25 I of course asked why and she said.. "My sister says they need help with inventory at the nordstrom rack and I want to help out... You get paid and you get a 20% discount day)" My response was... can I help... Why oh Why did I ever think that I don't know... I loathe Inventory... I worked for an inventory complany for like 6 months and hated every minute and I swore up and down that I would never do it out side my salon ever again!! Yet alas on the night of the 24th I found myself at the nordstrom rack with a scanner and a pen scanning numberless amounts of make up and perfume and nylons, etc. I then was given my little card for 20% off on the next day... My intention was not to even go but after putting myself through such torture I decided I might as well go see what I can find... So I wandered around the Rack for hours.... I'm not a big shopper. I hate it in fact. and I was having no luck which was making it even worse... then I went to the shoes and walked up and down the isles and then... I saw them.... my Shoes!!! and at 20% off!!.... My shoes made inventory well worth it!...See...

The Lake

This past week I finally got to the Lake. It's been forever since I had a great trip to the lake and that all changed this week. I went up and spent a couple days at Bear Lake probably my favorite spot of all time. Spent most of my time out on the water either with the boat or Ron's Sea doos. I have the bumps and bruises to prove it.. haha. My cousin Tiffany came with me and I am so glad she did we had a blast and got us both excited for our road trip to california come the end of the month. here are a few pics.

Babysitting Adventures.

So my sister Ashley has been trying to get to babysit her 3 kids (Jonah 5, Lilly 3, and Jayne 8months) for a few weeks now and I've always been busy. So a week in advance I told her I would babysit her kids last saturday. So saturday comes and I get there Jonah yells.. Aunt Rachel is here! It makes me so happy that those Kiddos love me.... anywho. Right before Mom and Dad leave Jonah decides he wants to play wii...(first off I have only ever played a wii once in my life for like 2 min. so I'm a beginner) Nate set up the wii and off they went. My 5 yr old nephew then proceeded to teach me how to play the wii.After wii we watched a movie of some disney cartoons and of course Lilly needed a snack... i.e. cookies, fruit snacks, something with sugar... I gave her the peaches she didn't eat at dinner. 8 o'clock started to get closer and closer Bedtime. Ashley had mentioned if I gave them baths that Lilly need to wash her hair so I decided we were going to skip them and just do bed Jayne was getting fussy and I wanted to keep her up just a little while longer. About 7:50 Jonah "we want to get in the tub" "Are you sure?" "YES!" They love their baths... so into the bathroom I trek with 3 little kids following after... 2 of them stripped down before i even got the water going. Lilly and Jonah were in the tub and I thought feed Jayne her bottle put her in bed get them out.... Jayne would have none of it! She too had to get in that tub! so we stripped her down and let her splash around for a few minutes til my arms hurt from holding her up. Got her out in her diaper and put her in her walker so I could wash Lilly's hair. Jayne did not like that idea... neither did Lilly. We got the other 2 out of the tub and on their way to get dressed. made Jaynes bottle and started to feed her. check on the other two and there Lilly is Naked kneeling on the ground with her little butt in the air right infront of her big window that leads outside. mooning the world. eventually we got everyone in Jammies and everyone in bed. after that I collapsed on the couch and just relaxed. first time that day. One exciting night... hahah. but I loved it.

Justice.

So yesterday when I got to work I noticed I had a big envelope from the U.S. Department of Justice. I of course proceeded to open the envelope and discovered that it was about the robbery and that they have charged someone and that they have a date to go to trial before a judge. This was all news to me.. last I heard the case was going to be put on the backburner if their leads led nowhere and since I hadn't heard from them I figured it was. So needless to say I'm in a state of shock I don't know quite how to feel about the whole thing. Honestly I wish they never found the guy. I know it sounds crazy for me to say that but I really don't want to have to see this guy ever again.. and as slim a chance as it is... revenge for being caught does enter your mind. So honestly if I had to say I would say i'm scared out of my mind.. and I know that the justice system has all these victims rights and things where if I don't want to I don't have to but still. Hopefully it gets settled out of court that they just make a plea deal and hopefully it will all get put behind me for somewhat good. So ya thats where the whole thing is at now... wish it was done and over with.. but alas what can you do.