I recently had someone ask me if broken hearts heal.
I have thought about this question long and hard over the past while. My response: I don’t think that I would say broken hearts ever fully heal. I think once broken the heart will always be broken. It may scar over but the sting will always be there. We give a piece of our heart to everyone we let inside. And once the heart is given it is given you can’t take it back. You may not agree but something to think about. We love someone with our whole heart or give a place in our heart to someone. Let’s say this person hurts, they break your heart. Now instead of saying you love them with your whole heart. You say you have a strong dislike or even hate for this person. This hate where does it originate? The answer: In the heart. Therefore even though you haven’t given them a piece of your heart in love you have now given them a piece of your heart in hate, pain, or sorrow. And the scar that is created from such an injury will always be there reminding us of the source that created it. This piece of your heart will always belong to the person it was first given. I do believe that we learn from our broken hearts we become more aware of who we give parts of our heart to. That broken hearts teach us how to truly love. We learn to more fully understand the meaning of love. That love isn’t always an overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness that continues on and on forever and ever. But it is a learning process one that results from pain and forgiveness, happiness and sorrow. You can not have love without the moments sorrow. The difference, someone who truly loves you in return will do whatever they can to fill in the cracks that they unfortunately create before the crack gets deeper and deeper eventually resulting in a broken heart. You will do the same in return. There will be patience learned for others as well as for yourself. There will be patience afforded you as well because let’s face it we aren’t perfect and eventually you will create the sting of the heart in someone else. Through this process of apology and forgiveness, fault and understanding, the bond between two will grow and become stronger creating love and respect for each other. But if a break happens and one party does not to repair the damage done. The damage will forever stay there in the heart. Nobody else can heal the break of another. All one can do with an unrepaired break is let it scar and try to allow themselves to open themselves up and let another in.
Each experience in our lives leaves an impression on our souls, hearts, and minds, some of these experiences result in pain and overwhelming sorrow. People have said that healing comes with time. Time heals all wounds. I however say Time goes on and through time we learn how to put things in perspective and use the pain for our own growth in life. The pain will never fully dissipate but that it can become a strength for us if we let it.
The heart is the center of our emotions; the breeding ground for our feelings. Whether you love or dislike someone it originates in the heart.
Just my thoughts.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Letter to a Heart Broken Friend:
Dear friend.
I know how you feel, the pain, the emptiness. I know what it’s like… to be disappointed. Walked out on and to have your heart broken, to have your world fine one day and in turmoil the next. To have what and who you love most wretched from your grasp, even more to have that person the one you love and trust more then anyone to be the cause of such devastation and pain. I know the hollow feeling it leaves; the anger, the fear. After such a disheartening blow it is hard to comprehend how one can get over such tribulation. Then it begins; the fight for ones self. You fight to believe in yourself and all that you are. You fight to understand why. Why things happened how they did. Why if it was to only result in pain and sorrow it happened at all. You fight to forget, yet to remember. You fight the feeling and sense of blame. You wonder if it was your fault and fight to believe that it wasn’t. You struggle to know that the cause of such heartache didn’t originate from you. You fight the hopelessness, the pain; the trust once easily given is kept deep inside for fear if you allow yourself to trust you will yet again only be wounded. You take a microscopic look at every aspect of your life. What you know, what you believe and wonder if you change if that will in someway ease your distress. You question yourself and your decisions. I know how it feels because you see my friend I have been waging such a war.
You ask if it gets easier; if it subsides. You want me to tell you yes that one day you just wake up and the world is a better place. I also wish I could give you these answers. Unfortunately this is not the case. Such a battle takes time. There will be tears shed. Wounds you thought healed will gash open at the slightest of ease. Trust is yet again in the learning process and caution is used at every turn. There will be moments that you think you can not possibly go on, that this fight is over and the overpowering feeling of defeat sets in. You feel alone. You want to confide in someone. To have them understand to have them comfort the pain but however you explain it no one seems to comprehend your state of being. They seem void of being able to say or do just the thing you want them to do… They don’t understand that you don’t want them to “fix” the problem or to even “make it better” that simply you need someone to listen and a shoulder to cry or lean on. That sometimes the best response is the silent response. The friend who says “I don’t know what to say, I’m not going to try to make things better right now because I know that I can’t do that for you, but I am here. I can listen. I can sit next to you in silence.” These friends know that this battle must be fought and won by you alone. They will not try to rush your victory. But they will be on the sideline to cheer you on and be a strength to draw from when you feel you have none left to forge ahead. I can tell you however that through time (and I do mean time) it will become easier to live with the sting left by the battle wounds. That life does move on and that the more you allow yourself to trust others, to let them in to that part of you that is now to you so sacred, so vulnerable, the more strength you will discover within yourself. The deeper you will understand what it means to love and be truly loved in return. This is a scary journey to embark on, people will try to enter unknowingly of the fences you have put up. You will get scared, nervous, question your ability to allow someone to care about you again. Even more so you will question your ability to care so deeply about someone else. You will have to decide if you are willing to take a chance on getting hurt again, (which you will at some point to some degree) to open yourself up to such a possibility. One thing to remember my friend; you can not have the joy without the sorrow. Some advice I have given myself that I am trying to adhere by… close your eyes and jump for you never know if you’ll fly. And if by chance you don’t… the one who catches you, or picks you up from your fall, may just be the reason you needed to jump in the first place. Don’t give up on a chance to live due to a fear from the past. Take that fear and make it your strength for a triumphant future full of happiness.
With Understanding,
Me
I know how you feel, the pain, the emptiness. I know what it’s like… to be disappointed. Walked out on and to have your heart broken, to have your world fine one day and in turmoil the next. To have what and who you love most wretched from your grasp, even more to have that person the one you love and trust more then anyone to be the cause of such devastation and pain. I know the hollow feeling it leaves; the anger, the fear. After such a disheartening blow it is hard to comprehend how one can get over such tribulation. Then it begins; the fight for ones self. You fight to believe in yourself and all that you are. You fight to understand why. Why things happened how they did. Why if it was to only result in pain and sorrow it happened at all. You fight to forget, yet to remember. You fight the feeling and sense of blame. You wonder if it was your fault and fight to believe that it wasn’t. You struggle to know that the cause of such heartache didn’t originate from you. You fight the hopelessness, the pain; the trust once easily given is kept deep inside for fear if you allow yourself to trust you will yet again only be wounded. You take a microscopic look at every aspect of your life. What you know, what you believe and wonder if you change if that will in someway ease your distress. You question yourself and your decisions. I know how it feels because you see my friend I have been waging such a war.
You ask if it gets easier; if it subsides. You want me to tell you yes that one day you just wake up and the world is a better place. I also wish I could give you these answers. Unfortunately this is not the case. Such a battle takes time. There will be tears shed. Wounds you thought healed will gash open at the slightest of ease. Trust is yet again in the learning process and caution is used at every turn. There will be moments that you think you can not possibly go on, that this fight is over and the overpowering feeling of defeat sets in. You feel alone. You want to confide in someone. To have them understand to have them comfort the pain but however you explain it no one seems to comprehend your state of being. They seem void of being able to say or do just the thing you want them to do… They don’t understand that you don’t want them to “fix” the problem or to even “make it better” that simply you need someone to listen and a shoulder to cry or lean on. That sometimes the best response is the silent response. The friend who says “I don’t know what to say, I’m not going to try to make things better right now because I know that I can’t do that for you, but I am here. I can listen. I can sit next to you in silence.” These friends know that this battle must be fought and won by you alone. They will not try to rush your victory. But they will be on the sideline to cheer you on and be a strength to draw from when you feel you have none left to forge ahead. I can tell you however that through time (and I do mean time) it will become easier to live with the sting left by the battle wounds. That life does move on and that the more you allow yourself to trust others, to let them in to that part of you that is now to you so sacred, so vulnerable, the more strength you will discover within yourself. The deeper you will understand what it means to love and be truly loved in return. This is a scary journey to embark on, people will try to enter unknowingly of the fences you have put up. You will get scared, nervous, question your ability to allow someone to care about you again. Even more so you will question your ability to care so deeply about someone else. You will have to decide if you are willing to take a chance on getting hurt again, (which you will at some point to some degree) to open yourself up to such a possibility. One thing to remember my friend; you can not have the joy without the sorrow. Some advice I have given myself that I am trying to adhere by… close your eyes and jump for you never know if you’ll fly. And if by chance you don’t… the one who catches you, or picks you up from your fall, may just be the reason you needed to jump in the first place. Don’t give up on a chance to live due to a fear from the past. Take that fear and make it your strength for a triumphant future full of happiness.
With Understanding,
Me
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